A few weeks ago I was at yoga and in my usual way was working hard to find the right position. It was a standing-balancing pose where you hold your leg out in front of you with your hand and then try and keep your standing leg straight. As an ex-ballerina I love these poses because I still have some flexibility and it feels good to see your leg rise above where it should logically go. Of course, none of this is what you’re supposed to be doing or thinking about when you’re practicing yoga. And don’t get me wrong I struggle with these poses too, but I like the challenge. So there I am balancing, breathing, stretching, focusing and the instructor walks by and says “wrong arm,” and he must have seen the embarrassed look on my face as I quickly tried to grab my foot with the other hand, because then he said, “You failed yoga.” He was joking, of course, but the idea got me thinking and has stuck with me.
“You failed yoga.” Is that possible? If it were, would I? Yoga is a journey. It’s not a pass/fail kind of thing, a lot like life isn’t a pass/fail kind of thing. And yoga is something that can vary every day. Some days you are much stronger than others. Some days you are ready to reach into every pose and expand. Other days your body needs nurturing, there is something achy or off and those days you’re better off listening and moving gently. This is the ideal, but usually when I get on the mat I push everything as far as I can go. It’s always been the way I exercised, from kickboxing to ballet. I wanted to reach the “right” pose, the right stamina; if there was a goal I wanted to reach it. Yoga is somewhat the same way. For years I could not do a headstand, it was as much a mental block as a physical, but it was a goal that I tried to reach every time I got on the mat. I’ve hurt myself trying to force my body when it wasn’t ready to do something. So you think I would learn.
Yet, I still struggle with that concept. Of taking my time to achieve whatever it is I’m trying to achieve. Life is not a straight line. And as much as I hate to go back to go forward I’ve had to accept the path. If you can’t fail yoga perhaps you cannot fail life. There are failings. However, there are lessons to be learned from these failings and as long as you use those lessons, eventually, you’ve turned that failing into something else. The best lessons come from failures. It’s true. They stick with us because they hurt.
So what’s the lesson here? I can’t change my personality, but I can accept that some days it’s ok to fail. Life is a journey not a test. There are days I feel that I’m being tested, but if I do the wrong thing chances are the next time that same issue comes up (and it will, especially in motherhood) I can try a different approach. Life is not about getting it “right” but finding what’s right for you along the way. That’s what is so great about this journey. We each can choose our own adventure, and if one doesn’t work out there’s another to try. The greatest opportunities come from the hurtles we face and failures we overcome. In life and yoga it is more important how we approach each challenge rather than if we succeed because as long as we keep trying we have not failed. And though it shouldn’t matter, I can now do a headstand.
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