Must get this out so I can get some work done. Just dropped Noah off for his first day of school. Admittedly, it’s one day a week for a half day, but he gave me the biggest hug and then said, “Ok, bye.” So he was just fine. I however, was in tears walking away because I heard him explaining to the teacher that he was an express train and I’m not sure she got the “Noah speak” and it just made me realize that no one will ever love that little guy as much as me. And you trust strangers, almost strangers, with these amazing little creatures that you spend so much time with. Whose every nuance you pretty much understand and hope that these strangers are kind and don’t crush this amazing little creature that you love so much. It’s a leap. And I think the longer you stay at home with your children perhaps the harder it is to let go. Then again, I think dropping off a tiny baby is probably even harder than what I did today. Either way the first time you leave that little child in the hands of someone else it’s difficult.
Then I get to Starbucks where I hope to get some real grown up work done and I get my tea. Set up the computer and low and behold “The Rainbow Song” comes on. The song Noah and I sang together last night before I tucked him in. Our song, “The Rainbow song,” so I lose it in the middle of Starbucks. And I’m trying to blame my PMS even though it’s not that time and I’m trying to think about my new book and how much I just wanted time to work on it. But the rainbow song got me. So I had to write this all down before I could move on to my grown-up day.
I’m a mom first and foremost, then a writer. I wife first, true, but mom has more responsibilities than anything else I’ve ever done. A life time of responsibilities and even when you finally get your child off to nursery school, mind you it’s one day a week for a half day, you still think about that little guy. Now don’t get me wrong the eyes are drying up and I’m excited to begin doing some real work. But it’s nice to reflect on the most amazing creature in my life while he’s not here. I love him so much and have to trust that even if his teacher doesn’t get everything he says, she’ll try.
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