September 8, 2010
Revisiting your first novel is like having a conversation with your first love. It’s awkward, a little embarrassing, but filled with happy surprises. Of course, there’s lots of ‘if I knew then what I know now’ kinds of thoughts too. But we never would have grown into the person or writer we are today without those sophomoric beginnings. Making mistakes, in retrospect, can be a lot of fun. And as I look back on my first novel I realize that I’m not going to change too much, because even though some of those metaphors make me cringe now, they are part of the character I created then.
Though I’m nervous to reveal this book. I’m also thrilled. There are moments that I thought of deleting, like the part in Chapter 12, believe me you’ll know it when you read it, but again it is important to the book, for my main character Jack to have that experience. (And no I never did….) Aren’t you curious now? You won’t have to wait long because the book is almost ready!
There are moments in the book that I’m most proud. A scene or two that I think pushed me forward as an artist and a person. I had to dig deeper than I normally would to express certain feelings and allow my characters to really become unglued. Relinquishing an emotional safety net of sorts. I think going there in this book made it easier to find the true spirit of my characters in the next book. I didn’t have to push for something, rather I was able to open myself up and listen to my characters to find out what they were really experiencing.
Growth in any direction personal, artistic, professional is a process and though we might shrink from our early efforts there is merit. Without them we would never learn about our true abilities. I’m proud of the novel. We went through a lot of love and hate Jack and I. With him I discovered how to write a novel so no matter what happens with the rest of my books, Jack will always be my first.
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